Kind of a lazy day today, after the high energy of yesterday. I'm still getting up early and going to bed early. Huzzah!
I want to manage my life to the extent I can. I want to live with the illness, not in the illness. The more stable I can get when I'm feeling better, the easier it will be to cope with the depression when it comes. Part of me always hopes that it will never come again, but part of me knows that it will. But I think that if I can work on the things I listed in a previous post, that maybe when the depression hits it won't be as bad and won't last as long.
The trouble is that I'm not very good at keeping up with things even when I am feeling better. I am very good at abandoning projects, especially when the project involves taking care of myself.
Last year I challenged myself and succeeded in three things. I failed at other things, but these things I did. I helped my daughter when my granddaughter was born. I feel that we bonded over that, and started to mend a relationship that has been sometimes rocky. It's not easy raising a child when you're depressed, and it's not very easy being that child, either. More on that another time, I think.
The second thing I did was complete one of three classes in the Florida Master Naturalist program. This isn't a Master's degree program. It's like becoming a Master Gardener. You gain a certain amount of knowledge that you can share with others. It was 8 weeks of Saturday classes from 8:00 am to 5:00 pm and I am really proud of myself for getting through all those Saturdays. I also hope to complete the other two classes. They come up periodically in this county, so I have to jump in the next time I get the chance.
The third thing I accomplished last year was writing a novel. Really a novella, and it's a very rough draft that I may never actually revise. I participated in National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo as it's affectionately called. The goal of NaNoWriMo is to write a 50,000-word novel in 30 days. It doesn't have to be a great novel, it only has to be started on November 1 and completed by November 30. There is a lot of online support, and we also had a local group that met face-to-face at least once a week. I'm amazed that I did this, and completed it on time.
So these were the things that I did not abandon last year. I hold them dearly as reminders that not everything I do turns to crap. This year is half over and I haven't really set goals. Not big ones. Just small ones. Maybe that's enough for now, to do the small stuff to take care of myself, get healthy, and stay healthy.
But I also may write another novel.
I think that the three things that you did do reflect considerable accomplishment! I need to do something like this to push myself out of my easy chair and away from the television just vegetating, which I am want to do. I think that if I set too many goals, however, I may just be programming myself for failure. Small steps for me. Like not forgetting to brush my teeth before retiring because I'm just too tired. Or not forgetting to take important medications. Oh dear, I could go on, but the point is, I thank you for giving me this idea to try to help me feel better about things.
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