Feeling like curling up into a ball of I Don't Care. But I should care, since I told my boss I'd be in today. She's pretty understanding of me missing work, but not as understanding as to why. And she gets pissy if I say I'm going to show up, but don't. As they do.
Also feel like beating myself up. Actually, I'm doing so as I type. One hand on the keyboard, the other wielding the scourge. I'm a failure. Nothing's ever going to change. I'm lazy. I'm whiny.
And I'm enjoying it, wallowing in it, because I feel that it's just what I deserve. Hurt me some more! It's an endless cycle of failing and making up for failing by beating myself up. But beating myself up isn't going to solve anything in the long run.
Penance doesn't do anything without repentance. Repentance is realizing that I've made mistakes, and committing to changing them. Maybe not all at once, but maybe a little at a time. And maybe there will be steps backward, like now. But hopefully there will be steps forward as well.
That stuff up in the second paragraph? From a CBT standpoint, Labeling and Jumping to Conclusions.
I feel a little stronger having put this into words. I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to call my boss tonight, but maybe I'll at least do the dishes. And pet the cat we still have. He loves to be petted and snuggled.
Here is a Big List of Pleasurable Activities for you to pick something nice out for yourself.
I feel a little stronger having put this into words. I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to call my boss tonight, but maybe I'll at least do the dishes. And pet the cat we still have. He loves to be petted and snuggled.
Here is a Big List of Pleasurable Activities for you to pick something nice out for yourself.
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