My pdoc said to me at our last appointment, "Bipolar depression is a lot more severe than unipolar." On the one hand, that's validating. On the other, it's depressing. Sometimes I look at folks who have depression and are still having relationships, working, having lives, and I feel so inadequate. Especially after a weekend like the one I just had.
I wrote a few days ago that I had gotten out of the house -- and showered -- three days in a row! And I had all these weekend plans, and was going to go to synagogue, Disney World, and the moon, and write a novel in two days...well, that didn't happen.
I decided that I would take Friday off. I hung out all day, basically doing the things I usually do, which is not much. Saturday dawned and I woke up late. 9 am. Not off to a good start, since I had planned to go to synagogue. Oh, well. It rained in the afternoon, as it does around here. I found myself hoping that it would continue raining, so I'd have an excuse not to go to the outdoor Woodstock event with the Meetup group (I had also invited some other friends, but I hadn't heard from them, so I figured that they had made other plans). By the time that I needed to leave, it really wasn't raining. But it was in my head. So I slouched on the sofa and watched TV instead. Sunday, I got up at 11, and the day was more of the same. Monday...I forgot it was even Monday.
I don't know if I need to take a day off for every day I get out into the world, or what. I don't know if I can get my sleep back on track, or how long it will take. I get so tired sometimes, even when I have enough sleep.
It's so very frustrating.
I did manage to leave the house today, and take another shower first (yay!). Went to Wendy's, then got groceries.
I don't really have a plan for tomorrow. Maybe I need to think one up.
The cat thinks I exist to pet him. I don't think that can be my raison d'etre, but at least I'm making one little furry person happy.
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